The last Day (Yes, no, maybe?)

By The Guide

Health + Wellness

October 10, 2024. It feels like my body is giving up on me. I’m exhausted—physically, spiritually, and emotionally. No matter how hard I try, my quality of life feels like it’s at rock bottom. How do people make it through times like this? Every day, I sit and think about the German woman who chose euthanasia because she couldn’t bear her life anymore. And honestly, that option is starting to make more sense to me. I’ve cried so much that I’m just numb now, and I’m not afraid of dying. I just want it all to stop—it’s overwhelming. I’m not even sure what “it” is, but I just need it to end.

I wonder how people seem to live such normal lives, surrounded by friends, attending parties, and fitting in so naturally. Then there are people like me—alone, disconnected, never invited anywhere. It’s not just about being introverted; we all need love and connection. It’s not as easy as it looks. I’ve spent 25 years on this earth, and I still don’t know how to navigate life.

How does someone unlearn childhood trauma? It feels like an impossible task, and every day I feel myself slipping further away from who I’m supposed to be. I’ve given it my all, I’ve fought, but I’m not getting better. Am I doing something wrong? The more I try, the more I feel out of place, and the world makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable in my own skin. I’ve battled so many personal issues and, honestly, I just wish I were normal. I fear I’ll always be stuck in this loneliness, trapped in my own mind, while others around me seem to share similar experiences but thrive anyway.

How do you stand out in a world like this? I struggle so much with that. I see others walk into a room and command attention without effort. But for me, if I don’t make the first move, I’ll end up alone. And even when I do, people still seem to pick everyone else over me. Maybe I try too hard to be liked, or maybe I’m just awkward and withdrawn, or maybe I don’t fit the mold of what society expects. I’ve tried so hard to be the woman of substance that everyone talks about, but I lost my identity long ago. I can’t help but see others as threats instead of embracing them. I’m competitive in ways that only isolate me further.

I’ve tried to be a “that person,” but it always feels like I end up being the secondhand friend, the bodyguard, or just another name in someone’s contact list. I try to keep up with trends, but I always feel out of place—too awkward, too ugly to even participate. I don’t know if I’m explaining it right, but maybe you understand.

It’s all so overwhelming—these mental battles I’m fighting every day. As I said at the start, I feel like everything about me is falling apart. I’ve tried for so long, done everything I could, but now all I have left are dreams of a life I wish I had lived. I know we often say we have the power to change our lives, and I don’t deny that, but some of us are carrying so much pain that it feels unbearable. Some of us just want to rest.

Today, I’ve felt dizzy and slow, like my body is giving up. Maybe it’s my last day, maybe not. But if you’re reading this, just know that I tried. I tried living, I tried being better. If I make it through this, then I’ll fight for another day. But right now, I need all the help I can get, because I don’t know how much more I can take.

~ By a special love bug

Always remember, you’re not alone. Acknowledge your struggles, but don’t let them define you. There’s so much potential within you—it just takes time and genuine effort to uncover. Trust me, as someone who’s been there, it does get better – it has to get better. ❤️

Here is a list of global suicide prevention helplines, providing support in various countries:

International Association for Suicide Prevention (IASP):

https://www.iasp.info/

Provides a comprehensive directory of helplines by country.
Befrienders Worldwide: https://www.befrienders.org/
Offers emotional support to prevent suicide in over 40 countries.

Disclaimer

The following tips are suggestions for handling an emergency situation, particularly related to mental health.

Please note that while these steps can provide temporary support, they are not a substitute for professional help. In case of a life-threatening emergency, always contact local emergency services.

Reach Out: Try contacting a suicide prevention hotline or crisis helpline. Keep in mind that some hotlines may not pick up immediately due to high call volumes—if this happens, don’t give up. Call again, try another hotline, or text a support service.
Grounding Techniques: Focus on your surroundings by engaging in grounding exercises. This can include describing five things you see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste.
Breathing Exercises: Practice deep breathing to calm your mind. Inhale slowly through your nose for four seconds, hold for four, and exhale for four. Repeat until you feel more in control.
Reach Out to Someone You Trust: If possible, talk to a friend, family member, or someone you trust about what you’re going through. Sometimes verbalizing what you’re feeling can make it more manageable.
Write It Down: If speaking to someone isn’t possible, try writing down your thoughts and feelings. Expressing yourself on paper can help release overwhelming emotions.
Create a Safe Space: If possible, move to a place where you feel safe. Surround yourself with comforting objects or people that help you feel secure.

Remember, you’re not alone—help is available, even if it may take a few tries to connect with the right resources.